Changing my MASK ...!!!!

hahaha...okie ..so today is the 1st of december....(my head says WHO CARES) ...anyway...life has been low since the past 2 weeks ...and i have been in this weird phrase where i donno what can help me from falling into the darker holes of LIFE ....When u reach a point where trying your best is olso not enough you kind off loose hope ....loose hope in life....loose hope in love...and loose hope on the person u where willing to give your lifes keys 2 ....!!!!!!well i havent reached succha high point ....bt ya i cn say i would have ....Im still trying to do all the right things to save my ship from sinking....I think i have given sacrifice a new meaning ...i have never been super selfless and worldly ...ever....but for the first time in my life i have literally felt like putting everything on stake just for one *moronic craziee super blonde jerk* ....!!!!!i wont say IM IN LOVE or any crap like that ....cause i am no one to define the boundraries on love...and i am sure love is not this ...cause what i have read of it ...love is meant to be beautiful and sacred ...this *out of mind and body experience* is neither of the 2 ....haha ...actually its far from that...its ugly and negative...jealous and suspicious...!!!!!It has made me see a whole new aspect of my ever changing persona...!!!But whatever this feeling is ...it is compelling me to change...to try and do things that some other IDOT whats me to do...it is making me evolve...!!!hahah..i guess by the end of this entire LIFE CHANGING PROCESS...i will be a lil less hyper ...more clear and a lil more understanding of circumstances and how to react 2 them ...than before...!!!!!well that is for time to tell and me to desipher...!!!!!
apart frm my crises situation that has entered in my lifes twisted tale....there are other big things happening for everyone in my family...my mom is on a high ...it seems like she is floating on a differnt plant of CONSCIOUSNESS...and m super happie for her ....!!!!!my dad on the other hand is finally going to complete his *dream project* so hes on sum other planet....
the onli person who is lying low at the moment is me ...and i cnt even show it ....cause m supposed to be the ETERNALLY EXCITED IN LIFE drama queen...!!!!so well as i wear my mask and play my role ....u go try and find where the real you lies...:)...!!!!!love and light ...